Right now I wish I had my hands on a real magical 8 ball. One that knew what was to come and contained phrases such as "Go for it" "Don't be an idiot" and "DUH!". I would shake it and ask it a variety of questions that would make my life easier.
Why is it that when I try to fix a problem, it ends up getting worse? I try to do something kind and reach out and tell people how I feel and they just snap back and act like I caused the problem in the first place. I'm sick and tired of trying to please everyone. It gets me nowhere real fast. So, I've decided to make myself happy. Along the way, I'll do nice things for people, if they deserve it, and I'll make the people that really matter happy. But only because I know that they'll react the way I want them too.
I know that I sound like a heartless, selfish, B word. But I'm simply sick of sitting back and watching the things that I want fly past my ever hopeful arms. I'm not going to sit back anymore, I'm fighting for what I want and by golly, I'm going to get it!..... I hope.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Life.... and death
Lately, everything I do seems to remind me of Evan. As I went to prom, walked across the stage at graduation, and now, as I'm packing up stuff to bring to college. I'm constantly reminded that everything I do, he didn't get the chance to. I live my life everyday for him. I know that each breath I take is one more than he ever got to. Everything I've done since my 16th birthday was more than he got. And it really doesn't seem fair. Evan was probably the nicest person I have ever met. I rarely got to see him, but when I did he didn't shoo me off like my others cousins did. He took my hand and included me. The last time I saw him, he taught me how to play pool. He didn't act like I was annoying him with my constant questions or requests for help. I still can't believe that he's gone.
Let me explain for those of you who don't know anything about the wonderful boy that was and is my cousin. Evan was came into the world on St. Patrick's Day 1988 and he left it on 1/5/05. Car accident in North Carolina. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt (which is why I ALWAYS wear mine) and he was ejected from the car. Evan, being a lovely and unselfish guy, was an organ donor, so his eyes still see the beauty of the world, his organs still work, just in someone else's body. His soul is gone, but being the amazing kid he was, I know where he is. Looking down on me, and my family, and his mom, dad, and brother.
Ugh, sorry for all the depression. I've just been thinking about him a lot lately and needed to get that out.
Let me explain for those of you who don't know anything about the wonderful boy that was and is my cousin. Evan was came into the world on St. Patrick's Day 1988 and he left it on 1/5/05. Car accident in North Carolina. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt (which is why I ALWAYS wear mine) and he was ejected from the car. Evan, being a lovely and unselfish guy, was an organ donor, so his eyes still see the beauty of the world, his organs still work, just in someone else's body. His soul is gone, but being the amazing kid he was, I know where he is. Looking down on me, and my family, and his mom, dad, and brother.
Ugh, sorry for all the depression. I've just been thinking about him a lot lately and needed to get that out.
Monday, July 6, 2009
The (Almost) Perfect Day
Judging by the title of this post, I believe that anyone with half a brain could figure out that today went well. I actually went to bed at a decent hour (thanks to Moos constant nagging) and got about 9 hours of sleep. I woke up around 10:30 (would slept in later, but my iPhone feels the need to remind me five million times when I get a text.) *cough*don't text me for eleven*cough* After waking up and actually getting out of bed, I went to run some errands with my mom. Bank, Post Office, Kmart. We got Gracey and Joagster their birthday present. (I sure hope that they like it.) After Kmart, we drove through Wendy's and ate some delicious sandwiches.
Then my phone rang, and Dragon asked me if I wanted to go over to her house for a while with Lee and My son. I decided to head over there, and we sat on Dragon's bed and caught up. (We were definitely overdue for a long talk.) Suddenly, the four of us felt the urge to bake, so we went to Target and got some supplies. Our baking experience was rather interesting... Lee blew up the butter in the microwave, and then (while I was gone taking Tebow to the vet) Dragon and Lee thought it would be a good idea to make "shark week" cookies. What are shark week cookies you ask? Well let me explain... They dyed the batter blue to signify water, and cut up bits of gummy bears to show dead bodies. Seemed like a good idea right? Wrong! Apparently, gummy bears + heat = huge mess. Don't ever do it.
After baking, we went into the computer room to talk some more. Dragon got mad because my phone kept telling me I had a text, so she took it and began to read. My forgetful mind forgot that I had told C.K. how much of a baking idiot she was, so when Dragon read that, she got a little angry and made me chase her around the house to get my phone back. Then we sat around of the couch laughing our heads off until it was time to go home.
I knew that dinner would be AMAZING when I could smell the salmon grilling as soon as I stepped out of the car. And boy was I right, that fish was sooooo good. Now, I'm full and waiting to see if a sleepover is in my future. A sleepover would take that (almost) right out of the title of this post. :D
Summer days are my favorite.
Then my phone rang, and Dragon asked me if I wanted to go over to her house for a while with Lee and My son. I decided to head over there, and we sat on Dragon's bed and caught up. (We were definitely overdue for a long talk.) Suddenly, the four of us felt the urge to bake, so we went to Target and got some supplies. Our baking experience was rather interesting... Lee blew up the butter in the microwave, and then (while I was gone taking Tebow to the vet) Dragon and Lee thought it would be a good idea to make "shark week" cookies. What are shark week cookies you ask? Well let me explain... They dyed the batter blue to signify water, and cut up bits of gummy bears to show dead bodies. Seemed like a good idea right? Wrong! Apparently, gummy bears + heat = huge mess. Don't ever do it.
After baking, we went into the computer room to talk some more. Dragon got mad because my phone kept telling me I had a text, so she took it and began to read. My forgetful mind forgot that I had told C.K. how much of a baking idiot she was, so when Dragon read that, she got a little angry and made me chase her around the house to get my phone back. Then we sat around of the couch laughing our heads off until it was time to go home.
I knew that dinner would be AMAZING when I could smell the salmon grilling as soon as I stepped out of the car. And boy was I right, that fish was sooooo good. Now, I'm full and waiting to see if a sleepover is in my future. A sleepover would take that (almost) right out of the title of this post. :D
Summer days are my favorite.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
I spent the first 20 minutes of my day in the shower praying. I prayed for the healing of Jake after his accident yesterday, thanked Jesus for giving Sam legs (he got accepted to some Shriner's Hospital thing that's going to provide him with prosthetics.), and asked for guidance in my life. After my shower, I told my parents about Jake and they went to visit him at the hospital. (He fractured a couple ribs, broke a vertebrae, partially deflated a lung, and got a concussion, but seems to be doing well). I think he'll be going home soon.
When the 'rents left I was home alone to think about things. I decided to just go with the flow and not try to change anything about my life. After a little t.v., I got a call from Lemon and we decided to go to the local Sonic. Cherry Limeades are sooo yummy. Then we headed over to frisbee. I caught the disc once, but of course Big Man couldn't catch it and Clark Kent blamed the whole think on me. Oh well. After a few games we just threw the discs back and forth. C.K. (accidentally) kicked me in the nose. But it doesn't hurt unless I think about it. Keegs helped me steal his keys for revenge. Lee brought her exchange student Frenchy, so we taught her how to play. B taught some kids how to throw hammers. And Yellow actually learned how to not be intense all the time. Overall, it was a good frisbee experience. :D
When the 'rents left I was home alone to think about things. I decided to just go with the flow and not try to change anything about my life. After a little t.v., I got a call from Lemon and we decided to go to the local Sonic. Cherry Limeades are sooo yummy. Then we headed over to frisbee. I caught the disc once, but of course Big Man couldn't catch it and Clark Kent blamed the whole think on me. Oh well. After a few games we just threw the discs back and forth. C.K. (accidentally) kicked me in the nose. But it doesn't hurt unless I think about it. Keegs helped me steal his keys for revenge. Lee brought her exchange student Frenchy, so we taught her how to play. B taught some kids how to throw hammers. And Yellow actually learned how to not be intense all the time. Overall, it was a good frisbee experience. :D
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Happy 4th of July!
Today I........
1. Slept in until 12
2. Had an extremely confusing conversation of fb. I still don't understand what was decided.
3. Went to the Forbey's house
4. Learned how to play Texas Hold'em
5. "Accidently" kicked May in the no-no area and sent him to the ground.
6. Had another conversation with someone else that should maybe help me understand the 1st convo
7. Ate some yummy 4th of July food
8. Watched a little Beach Volleyball
9. Brought Tebow over to play with the Forbey's doggies
10. Watched MoJo kick Stace's a** at Texas Hold'em
11. Wished I had been invited to watch fireworks
12. Came home and sat at the computer.
13. Was told to go to bed by Moos, and I didn't listen.
14. Got even more confused
The day was fun, but could have been better.
Happy 233rd bithday America. I hope you're able to live another 233.
1. Slept in until 12
2. Had an extremely confusing conversation of fb. I still don't understand what was decided.
3. Went to the Forbey's house
4. Learned how to play Texas Hold'em
5. "Accidently" kicked May in the no-no area and sent him to the ground.
6. Had another conversation with someone else that should maybe help me understand the 1st convo
7. Ate some yummy 4th of July food
8. Watched a little Beach Volleyball
9. Brought Tebow over to play with the Forbey's doggies
10. Watched MoJo kick Stace's a** at Texas Hold'em
11. Wished I had been invited to watch fireworks
12. Came home and sat at the computer.
13. Was told to go to bed by Moos, and I didn't listen.
14. Got even more confused
The day was fun, but could have been better.
Happy 233rd bithday America. I hope you're able to live another 233.
Friday, July 3, 2009
In an attempt to keep updated
Today, or should I say yesterday, was fun.
The day started out with a couple of rather rude awakenings. At 4 a.m. someone thought it would be funny to block their number and call me the one night I forgot to silence my phone. Then at the wonderful hour of 8, my neighbors decided to get their trees trimmed. This wouldn't have been a problem if they would have stayed away from my window. But nooo, they had to trim the branches that lie right outside my room. Fun stuff. But I suppose it was good that I got up so early. I had time to take a long shower and wash my hair all in time for my skype call with xander/Clark Kent (Skype really is a neat thing. You can talk to someone who's 4,000 miles away and feel like they're right next to you).
After my Skype call, I was tired (probably because of my rude awakenings) and took a rather long nap. When I woke up, I took my mom to WallyWorld to get her medicines for that nasty cold she's caught. Then I went to Moos house for some movies. Eagle Eye is soooo intense!!!! My son, Ji, B, and Lee were all there. (I love making up code names!)
Plans for tomorrow- Shopping with Moo, Cavity, My son, and Lemon. And then maybe something including Lee that night.
Oh yes, and an update on the confusion. I guess I don't have any choice but to go with Person B. Which is definitely the angel on the shoulder in the situation. I guess I'm cool with that. I just liked dreaming for that little time.
The day started out with a couple of rather rude awakenings. At 4 a.m. someone thought it would be funny to block their number and call me the one night I forgot to silence my phone. Then at the wonderful hour of 8, my neighbors decided to get their trees trimmed. This wouldn't have been a problem if they would have stayed away from my window. But nooo, they had to trim the branches that lie right outside my room. Fun stuff. But I suppose it was good that I got up so early. I had time to take a long shower and wash my hair all in time for my skype call with xander/Clark Kent (Skype really is a neat thing. You can talk to someone who's 4,000 miles away and feel like they're right next to you).
After my Skype call, I was tired (probably because of my rude awakenings) and took a rather long nap. When I woke up, I took my mom to WallyWorld to get her medicines for that nasty cold she's caught. Then I went to Moos house for some movies. Eagle Eye is soooo intense!!!! My son, Ji, B, and Lee were all there. (I love making up code names!)
Plans for tomorrow- Shopping with Moo, Cavity, My son, and Lemon. And then maybe something including Lee that night.
Oh yes, and an update on the confusion. I guess I don't have any choice but to go with Person B. Which is definitely the angel on the shoulder in the situation. I guess I'm cool with that. I just liked dreaming for that little time.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Wowza...
I just realized that it's been quite a while since I've written anything here. Sorry guys. But not all of you can talk considering SOMEONE hasn't updated her blog since The Bachelor ended. :D But I'll try my hardest to get you caught up with my life.
May- The overall quality of our production of BBB amazed me. When lines were forgotten, it was barely noticable, and I found myself enjoying the show more and more each night, although I STILL have yet to see the videotape Mr. Curtis was supposed to be making us. After BBB it was AP exam time. I think Lit went extremely well. I finished early and used my remaining time to write Mrs Chesler letters, draw pictures, and make faces at Xander. (I don't know why I started calling him that). Lang, on the other hand, was a killer. I couldn't keep my head in the game (lol) during the essay portion because every single topic seemed to have a Liberal slant to it, so I once again found myself staring at Xander, this time not to play games, but to try and kill him because I knew he would have an easy time with this. Anywho, the exams ended and I didn't and still don't really care how I did. College credits would be nice and all, but whatever.
After AP tests came band awards/senior skit. I was really fed up with dealing with everyone at that point. I was soo ready to graduate. But awards were fun, I made up my speech on the spot, and I like to think I did a good job of it. The skit turned out nicely, it got a lot of laughs, and quite a few compliments. :D
Then came graduation. The rain kept us indoors, but couldn't keep our spirits down. I sat by Becker who, to say the absolute least, was entertaining. He kept making comments and giving people looks that reminded me why I gave him his little nickname. After the ceremony, I didn't think the pictures were EVER going to end. Everywhere I turned someone had a camera out ready to snap a picture here or there. Ugh. But the day came and went, and soon it was time for Project Grad. I'm really glad our school does that. I got to see all of my friends one last time before we were sent off into the real world. It was definitely a blast, and whoever decided to get that picture booth, I love you! Best idea ever.
JUNE-----
Every Sunday and Wednesday, I go to evening Ulitmate Frisbee. Although I'm terrible at sports, it's still a lot of fun. We have a real cast of characters there each week...... The hyper girl who always get picked last, Moviefone, Clark Kent, Taliban, the boy who always gets hurt, Frisbee twins, Photographer, Insomniac, the list just goes on and on.
In addition to frisbee, I spent a week in New Smyrna with two of my best friends. It was a great time, doing yoga, having dance parties, making dinner, watching girly movies, and hitting the beach. I don't think I'll ever forget that week.
I had preorientation for college. I got my schedule, set up my room, and met a lot of cool people. It really got me pumped up to start this school year, but alas, I still have two whole months left.
Today, I went to the airport and had to say goodbye to my best friend. He's going to Germany for the entire year, and I don't think he knows how much I'm going to miss his crazy self. R. Kelly promised to take care of him though, but if he breaks that promise, I'll KILL him. Bang, dead, no more R.K. But, life without the bestie still goes on. I don't have any more plans (other than relaxing) for the summer, so I'll be here in Smallville (as Rob calls it) until August 28th.
What else to say??...... Well, I've had my fair share of confusion this summer. I hate when one person tells you something, and you trust them. They've never done anything to blow that trust, and you get really really excited for what's to come. But then... BAM out of nowhere, you get thrown a curveball. Someone else comes to you with what they say is the truth. Now, this second person, you've known longer and has never lied to you before.. Who do you believe? Person A, or Person B? I'm going with B for now, but if they're messing with my brain, I'm going to make them wish they hadn't.... But enough of that...
I'll try to keep more updated this summer. :D
May- The overall quality of our production of BBB amazed me. When lines were forgotten, it was barely noticable, and I found myself enjoying the show more and more each night, although I STILL have yet to see the videotape Mr. Curtis was supposed to be making us. After BBB it was AP exam time. I think Lit went extremely well. I finished early and used my remaining time to write Mrs Chesler letters, draw pictures, and make faces at Xander. (I don't know why I started calling him that). Lang, on the other hand, was a killer. I couldn't keep my head in the game (lol) during the essay portion because every single topic seemed to have a Liberal slant to it, so I once again found myself staring at Xander, this time not to play games, but to try and kill him because I knew he would have an easy time with this. Anywho, the exams ended and I didn't and still don't really care how I did. College credits would be nice and all, but whatever.
After AP tests came band awards/senior skit. I was really fed up with dealing with everyone at that point. I was soo ready to graduate. But awards were fun, I made up my speech on the spot, and I like to think I did a good job of it. The skit turned out nicely, it got a lot of laughs, and quite a few compliments. :D
Then came graduation. The rain kept us indoors, but couldn't keep our spirits down. I sat by Becker who, to say the absolute least, was entertaining. He kept making comments and giving people looks that reminded me why I gave him his little nickname. After the ceremony, I didn't think the pictures were EVER going to end. Everywhere I turned someone had a camera out ready to snap a picture here or there. Ugh. But the day came and went, and soon it was time for Project Grad. I'm really glad our school does that. I got to see all of my friends one last time before we were sent off into the real world. It was definitely a blast, and whoever decided to get that picture booth, I love you! Best idea ever.
JUNE-----
Every Sunday and Wednesday, I go to evening Ulitmate Frisbee. Although I'm terrible at sports, it's still a lot of fun. We have a real cast of characters there each week...... The hyper girl who always get picked last, Moviefone, Clark Kent, Taliban, the boy who always gets hurt, Frisbee twins, Photographer, Insomniac, the list just goes on and on.
In addition to frisbee, I spent a week in New Smyrna with two of my best friends. It was a great time, doing yoga, having dance parties, making dinner, watching girly movies, and hitting the beach. I don't think I'll ever forget that week.
I had preorientation for college. I got my schedule, set up my room, and met a lot of cool people. It really got me pumped up to start this school year, but alas, I still have two whole months left.
Today, I went to the airport and had to say goodbye to my best friend. He's going to Germany for the entire year, and I don't think he knows how much I'm going to miss his crazy self. R. Kelly promised to take care of him though, but if he breaks that promise, I'll KILL him. Bang, dead, no more R.K. But, life without the bestie still goes on. I don't have any more plans (other than relaxing) for the summer, so I'll be here in Smallville (as Rob calls it) until August 28th.
What else to say??...... Well, I've had my fair share of confusion this summer. I hate when one person tells you something, and you trust them. They've never done anything to blow that trust, and you get really really excited for what's to come. But then... BAM out of nowhere, you get thrown a curveball. Someone else comes to you with what they say is the truth. Now, this second person, you've known longer and has never lied to you before.. Who do you believe? Person A, or Person B? I'm going with B for now, but if they're messing with my brain, I'm going to make them wish they hadn't.... But enough of that...
I'll try to keep more updated this summer. :D
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