It takes those three things and a little strength for a girl to finally realize that not everyone can read your mind. There is no such thing as Edward Cullen. No one can tell exactly what you're thinking or why you're mad at them without you spelling it out for them. It takes strength to ask a question, trust in yourself to know you'll be okay no matter what, faith in God that He'll lead you the right way, and pixie dust for good measure. It took all four of those for us to speak. To finally fix things. And to realize what will and will not happen this time. I'm trusting you, so please don't let me down. I'm happy again. Happy that we're friends. Let's try to keep it that way. Thanks.
Most of my friends have already gone back to college/high school. So I'll be spending my days alone. But I get to go home in 5 days and I couldn't be happier. Especially since I'll be going back happy.
2010 has gotten a wonderful start.
Note to self: Invest in some makeup remover. This "waterproof" mascara makes me look like I have a black eye after I shower.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Happy Birthday Blog!!!
It's my blog's first birthday today. A spur of the moment creation has turned into my lifeline this past year. I never would have imagined how much this blog has helped me get through. It helps me stay in touch with friends and family, and it also helps me say things I've always wanted to say. Thank you blog for the past 365 days. And may we be together another 365.
Now that Christmas Break is almost over, I'm ready to go home. To the place where my best friend, Jill, understands my obsessions.
Where Becca will sit and have late night heart-to-hearts because she's been where I am.
Where Amy knows exactly what to say... and when she should be like a Grandma...
Where Nikki and Lauren are there to laugh.
Where Max can tell with one look exactly what I need him to do... walk, talk, text, make everyone leave me alone, let me go to bed, take us to Steak N Shake...
Where Nicholas, Bret, and Dakota know how to make me laugh so hard that I can't get food into my mouth.
College is a weird thing. It's a time full of change. I can feel my friends changing. My high school friends are drifting away, not all of them, but a lot of them. We're all changing into the people we want to be for the rest of our lives. In high school, I never felt like I was on the outside looking in. But in college I somehow feel more accepted. People are different there. And I definitely can't wait to go back. There's less drama and I like it.
Only one more week!!
Now that Christmas Break is almost over, I'm ready to go home. To the place where my best friend, Jill, understands my obsessions.
Where Becca will sit and have late night heart-to-hearts because she's been where I am.
Where Amy knows exactly what to say... and when she should be like a Grandma...
Where Nikki and Lauren are there to laugh.
Where Max can tell with one look exactly what I need him to do... walk, talk, text, make everyone leave me alone, let me go to bed, take us to Steak N Shake...
Where Nicholas, Bret, and Dakota know how to make me laugh so hard that I can't get food into my mouth.
College is a weird thing. It's a time full of change. I can feel my friends changing. My high school friends are drifting away, not all of them, but a lot of them. We're all changing into the people we want to be for the rest of our lives. In high school, I never felt like I was on the outside looking in. But in college I somehow feel more accepted. People are different there. And I definitely can't wait to go back. There's less drama and I like it.
Only one more week!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
It's a gift and a curse
In the recent years I've realized that there is something about my personality that screams "Tell me everything! I'm a good listener!" Or something along those lines. Because it seems like every day or so someone comes up to me to either a) complain, b) tell me something I probably shouldn't know, c) ask me for advice, or d) tell me the latest piece of gossip.
It can be a gift, but it also can be a curse. The curse part comes in when people ask me to keep a secret or complain to me too much. It's not that I'm bad at keeping secrets, it's just that I have a hard time not laughing when people tell me something I already know when I'm supposed to be pretending like this is all new information.
What am I talking about???
Well let's take a super recent event - The Party - and apply it to my "gift" or whatever. By now, most people have probably heard one side about the party. But I may be one of a max of 5 people that know the other side too.
Let's start at the beginning. I found out about this party a couple weeks ago and I was a little irked to say the least. High schoolers can be real retards sometimes. And then the day of the party, yesterday, the host invited me (did he really think I would go?) and kept talking about it the whole time we were at frisbee. (There's a big mistake - don't talk about parties like that in front of a lot of people).
Anyways, the night of the party came and I was out babysitting. I couldn't believe how many people's facebook statuses were about the party and being excited to go. Well a crapload of people showed up, cars were lined all down the street, and people were getting as drunk as ever. (See, people love telling me every last detail). Then around 1030 I guess, the cops came and busted the party, sent kids home, and threatened to press charges against other kids. People were ratted out for things they didn't do, other people stepped forward and lied in order to get their friends saved, and some people ran.
That's the side of the story everyone knows...
The side most people don't know? I knew about the cops.... at 6pm. Four hours before they arrived, four hours before anyone had any knowledge of what was coming for them. Like I said, people just like telling me things. A friend of mine called me and told me of their plan to get it busted. And I didn't warn anyone. Why? Because it's about time they learned their lesson. I didn't want to give anyone the chance to get out and think they beat the system. Am I sorry for the innocent people who may get in trouble? Yes. But am I sorry in general? No.
I won't be telling anyone who called. Because it's really none of your business. Just learn your lesson and move on. No one in invincible. Not even "THE AE".
That's just one example of this gift thing I have. People tell me things before they happen all the time. And I sit laughing when I hear about them after. I guess I really am just your average Gossip Girl.
And one last thing, before you go accusing me of keeping quiet out of spite or revenge. Realize that you're not as great as you think you are. I would have done the same thing to anyone. I was praying, before I got that 6pm phone call, for the safety of everyone. And if this is God's way of keeping you guys safe, so be it. I'm not one to argue with the Creator of the Universe.
Peace out. See you in 2010.
It can be a gift, but it also can be a curse. The curse part comes in when people ask me to keep a secret or complain to me too much. It's not that I'm bad at keeping secrets, it's just that I have a hard time not laughing when people tell me something I already know when I'm supposed to be pretending like this is all new information.
What am I talking about???
Well let's take a super recent event - The Party - and apply it to my "gift" or whatever. By now, most people have probably heard one side about the party. But I may be one of a max of 5 people that know the other side too.
Let's start at the beginning. I found out about this party a couple weeks ago and I was a little irked to say the least. High schoolers can be real retards sometimes. And then the day of the party, yesterday, the host invited me (did he really think I would go?) and kept talking about it the whole time we were at frisbee. (There's a big mistake - don't talk about parties like that in front of a lot of people).
Anyways, the night of the party came and I was out babysitting. I couldn't believe how many people's facebook statuses were about the party and being excited to go. Well a crapload of people showed up, cars were lined all down the street, and people were getting as drunk as ever. (See, people love telling me every last detail). Then around 1030 I guess, the cops came and busted the party, sent kids home, and threatened to press charges against other kids. People were ratted out for things they didn't do, other people stepped forward and lied in order to get their friends saved, and some people ran.
That's the side of the story everyone knows...
The side most people don't know? I knew about the cops.... at 6pm. Four hours before they arrived, four hours before anyone had any knowledge of what was coming for them. Like I said, people just like telling me things. A friend of mine called me and told me of their plan to get it busted. And I didn't warn anyone. Why? Because it's about time they learned their lesson. I didn't want to give anyone the chance to get out and think they beat the system. Am I sorry for the innocent people who may get in trouble? Yes. But am I sorry in general? No.
I won't be telling anyone who called. Because it's really none of your business. Just learn your lesson and move on. No one in invincible. Not even "THE AE".
That's just one example of this gift thing I have. People tell me things before they happen all the time. And I sit laughing when I hear about them after. I guess I really am just your average Gossip Girl.
And one last thing, before you go accusing me of keeping quiet out of spite or revenge. Realize that you're not as great as you think you are. I would have done the same thing to anyone. I was praying, before I got that 6pm phone call, for the safety of everyone. And if this is God's way of keeping you guys safe, so be it. I'm not one to argue with the Creator of the Universe.
Peace out. See you in 2010.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Going with the theme
A 2009 Survey....
I decided to post this here. Mostly because I'm rather bored, but don't feel like talking to anyone.
JANUARY:
Where did you go on new year's?
- My house. For the annual festivities.
Who kissed you on new year's?
- No one. Besides mi familia of course.
Did you have a New Year's Resolution this year?
- Actually, yes. For the first time ever. This year I am planning on listening to my friends when they tell me something. Because they always end up being right.
Does it snow where you live?
- Once in the 6th grade... but generally not.
Do you like hot chocolate?
- Of course!!
FEBRUARY:
Who was your Valentine?
- Christopher, Dargan, Clare, and Mausam.
When you were little did you buy Valentine's for the whole class?
- Yes, it was a requirement. But I paid careful attention to who got which card.
What did you receive for valentine's day?
- A homemade dinner from my best friend.
MARCH:
Are you irish?
- Indeed, 1/4.
What did you do for St Patrick's Day?
- Went to school?
Are you happy when winter is pretty much over?
- We don't really have winter in Florida. As the Jonas Brothers say "It's always summertime"
APRIL
Do you like the rain?
- Not really
Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?
- No
Do you celebrate 4/20?
- No, I don't. And I think it's ridiculous
Do you love the month of April?
- It's okay. But this coming year, it'll be fantastic.
MAY
What is your favorite flower?
- The expensive girl inside me shouts ROSES
Do you celebrate May 16th: National Piercing Day?
- Nope. I didn't even know that existed
JUNE
What year did/will you graduate from high school?
-2009. And I graduated in May, not June.
Did you do anything fun during this Month?
- I went to NSB with my best friends. And hung out with Adam, which was fun at the time.
JULY
What did you do on the 4th of July?
- Went to the Forbes' house
Did you go to the fireworks?
- Nope
AUGUST
Did you have a sunburn?
- Nope. I used sunscreen when I stole Alex's beach pass.
Did you go to the pool a lot?
- I have a pool, so no.
SEPTEMBER
Are you attending college/school?
- College.
Do you like fall better than summer?
- I think I will now.
OCTOBER
What was your favorite thing(s)about this month?
- Let's see.... swim meets, homecoming football games, marching band festival, family weekend. It was all good at the time.
What were you for Halloween?
- Nothing. I haven't done that since middle school.
What did you do for Halloween?
- Hung out with my mom/dad/brother.
NOVEMBER
Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving?
- This year, our house and Grandma's. Usually it's that or the Romer's.
What are you thankful for?
- My family, friends, and the love they give me.
DECEMBER
Do you celebrate Christmas?
- Yes, yes, yes.
Have you ever been kissed under the mistle toe?
- Never ever.
Get anything special last year?
- Last year? I don't remember that far back.
What do you want this year?
- This year I just wanted clothes. And a ticket to Germany. But you know...
What do you love most about December?
- Cooler weather, family, friends, and no school.
RANDOMS
How Many People Did You Claim as Boyfriend/Girlfriend?
- Throughout the year? I suppose 2. The other 2 never made it that far.
Did You Get Dumped This Year?
- Yeah.
Did You Accomplish Anything?
- Graduated high school and started college.
What was your NEW YEARS RESOLUTION for 2009?
- I didn't have one.
Did You Think This Year Was Slow?
- No, it went by super fast.
Are You Looking Forward for 2010? Why?
- Yes. I get to start again, wipe the slate clean, and forget the past.
Did You Learn Anything New?
- I learned to trust my friends. Because they always tell me what I need to hear, whether I want to or not.
Lost some friends?
- Sadly, yes. But we're trying to get back to where we were.
Made New Friends?
- Yep!! :)
I decided to post this here. Mostly because I'm rather bored, but don't feel like talking to anyone.
JANUARY:
Where did you go on new year's?
- My house. For the annual festivities.
Who kissed you on new year's?
- No one. Besides mi familia of course.
Did you have a New Year's Resolution this year?
- Actually, yes. For the first time ever. This year I am planning on listening to my friends when they tell me something. Because they always end up being right.
Does it snow where you live?
- Once in the 6th grade... but generally not.
Do you like hot chocolate?
- Of course!!
FEBRUARY:
Who was your Valentine?
- Christopher, Dargan, Clare, and Mausam.
When you were little did you buy Valentine's for the whole class?
- Yes, it was a requirement. But I paid careful attention to who got which card.
What did you receive for valentine's day?
- A homemade dinner from my best friend.
MARCH:
Are you irish?
- Indeed, 1/4.
What did you do for St Patrick's Day?
- Went to school?
Are you happy when winter is pretty much over?
- We don't really have winter in Florida. As the Jonas Brothers say "It's always summertime"
APRIL
Do you like the rain?
- Not really
Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year?
- No
Do you celebrate 4/20?
- No, I don't. And I think it's ridiculous
Do you love the month of April?
- It's okay. But this coming year, it'll be fantastic.
MAY
What is your favorite flower?
- The expensive girl inside me shouts ROSES
Do you celebrate May 16th: National Piercing Day?
- Nope. I didn't even know that existed
JUNE
What year did/will you graduate from high school?
-2009. And I graduated in May, not June.
Did you do anything fun during this Month?
- I went to NSB with my best friends. And hung out with Adam, which was fun at the time.
JULY
What did you do on the 4th of July?
- Went to the Forbes' house
Did you go to the fireworks?
- Nope
AUGUST
Did you have a sunburn?
- Nope. I used sunscreen when I stole Alex's beach pass.
Did you go to the pool a lot?
- I have a pool, so no.
SEPTEMBER
Are you attending college/school?
- College.
Do you like fall better than summer?
- I think I will now.
OCTOBER
What was your favorite thing(s)about this month?
- Let's see.... swim meets, homecoming football games, marching band festival, family weekend. It was all good at the time.
What were you for Halloween?
- Nothing. I haven't done that since middle school.
What did you do for Halloween?
- Hung out with my mom/dad/brother.
NOVEMBER
Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving?
- This year, our house and Grandma's. Usually it's that or the Romer's.
What are you thankful for?
- My family, friends, and the love they give me.
DECEMBER
Do you celebrate Christmas?
- Yes, yes, yes.
Have you ever been kissed under the mistle toe?
- Never ever.
Get anything special last year?
- Last year? I don't remember that far back.
What do you want this year?
- This year I just wanted clothes. And a ticket to Germany. But you know...
What do you love most about December?
- Cooler weather, family, friends, and no school.
RANDOMS
How Many People Did You Claim as Boyfriend/Girlfriend?
- Throughout the year? I suppose 2. The other 2 never made it that far.
Did You Get Dumped This Year?
- Yeah.
Did You Accomplish Anything?
- Graduated high school and started college.
What was your NEW YEARS RESOLUTION for 2009?
- I didn't have one.
Did You Think This Year Was Slow?
- No, it went by super fast.
Are You Looking Forward for 2010? Why?
- Yes. I get to start again, wipe the slate clean, and forget the past.
Did You Learn Anything New?
- I learned to trust my friends. Because they always tell me what I need to hear, whether I want to or not.
Lost some friends?
- Sadly, yes. But we're trying to get back to where we were.
Made New Friends?
- Yep!! :)
Thursday, December 24, 2009
A Year in Review
Merry Christmas Eve my friends. I can hardly believe that it's already the day before Christmas. This year has flown by so fast. I've already been writing for almost a year and at times, I have to go back and read old posts to remember what happened when. And with that, I shall review my year.
When I look back to the person I was in January it's frightening. Not because I was a bad person or anything, but because I have changed so much since then. I'm not really sure if I like the past me or the present me better... I think it's a combination of both. I like the spirituality I had back then. I was undying in love with Christ and knew exactly what I believed. Now, I find it hard to find a church I belong in. Present me is more cautious. I know pain, emotional and physical, and I know that I need to do the best I can to avoid either type. It takes me longer to trust because I've been lied to. It takes me longer to open up because I've been backstabbed. Overall, I think this year has taught me a lot. I experienced the things a typical teenager experiences. Except they usually space them out over four years, and I decided to get them all done over one. What are those experiences you ask? Well here's what I experienced over 2009. (A condensed list of course)
I... cried, laughed, broke up, broke down, went to my first prom, was rebellious, had my first kiss, fell victim to a player, got revenge, got in trouble because of a stupid boy, lost a best friend, gained some new best friends, graduated high school, left home, pulled an all-nighter, got depressed, found my true friends, met new people, had surgery, was scarred, loved and lost.
While I wrote that list, I think I finally realized that those things are over with now and I need to move on. I was talking to Max last night and he randomly asked me "What do you want? What do you think would make you truly happy?" And it took me a while to come to a conclusion. I ended up realizing that that I want to know where my life will take me, I want to be married and have kids and be content. But in order to get to that point, I need to make peace. Max said that I didn't need to tell him what I want, he just wants me to know so that he can help me get there. But I told him anyway. And I'm glad I did.
Anyway, that's my year in review.
I'm hoping for a happier, less stressful 2010.
When I look back to the person I was in January it's frightening. Not because I was a bad person or anything, but because I have changed so much since then. I'm not really sure if I like the past me or the present me better... I think it's a combination of both. I like the spirituality I had back then. I was undying in love with Christ and knew exactly what I believed. Now, I find it hard to find a church I belong in. Present me is more cautious. I know pain, emotional and physical, and I know that I need to do the best I can to avoid either type. It takes me longer to trust because I've been lied to. It takes me longer to open up because I've been backstabbed. Overall, I think this year has taught me a lot. I experienced the things a typical teenager experiences. Except they usually space them out over four years, and I decided to get them all done over one. What are those experiences you ask? Well here's what I experienced over 2009. (A condensed list of course)
I... cried, laughed, broke up, broke down, went to my first prom, was rebellious, had my first kiss, fell victim to a player, got revenge, got in trouble because of a stupid boy, lost a best friend, gained some new best friends, graduated high school, left home, pulled an all-nighter, got depressed, found my true friends, met new people, had surgery, was scarred, loved and lost.
While I wrote that list, I think I finally realized that those things are over with now and I need to move on. I was talking to Max last night and he randomly asked me "What do you want? What do you think would make you truly happy?" And it took me a while to come to a conclusion. I ended up realizing that that I want to know where my life will take me, I want to be married and have kids and be content. But in order to get to that point, I need to make peace. Max said that I didn't need to tell him what I want, he just wants me to know so that he can help me get there. But I told him anyway. And I'm glad I did.
Anyway, that's my year in review.
I'm hoping for a happier, less stressful 2010.
Monday, December 21, 2009
My dear friends,
I apologize for the longer-than-usual absence. I've been rather busy with being home, visiting people, going to NYC, and thinking. Thinking about how different things are compared to the way they were when I left. Thinking about how much I miss college and my new friends there. Thinking about the options/decisions I have to make/have already made.
I'll try to write about break later. Right now, my brain is spinning too fast to write anything that actually makes any sense.
I apologize for the longer-than-usual absence. I've been rather busy with being home, visiting people, going to NYC, and thinking. Thinking about how different things are compared to the way they were when I left. Thinking about how much I miss college and my new friends there. Thinking about the options/decisions I have to make/have already made.
I'll try to write about break later. Right now, my brain is spinning too fast to write anything that actually makes any sense.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Writing
I've been writing a lot lately. Poems, my thoughts, random happenings. So I decided to start writing a story. I call it a story because I'm not sure where it'll end up. It might be a short story, a short novel, or 500 pages. Having a set end hinders creativity. So I'm just going to write until I find an end. Once I find that end, I'll decide where to go next. Maybe I'll keep it to myself. Maybe I'll let a few select people read it. Maybe I'll send it to a publisher. Or maybe I won't ever find an end and I'll just forget about it. Who knows?
Until then, I'll just write.
Until then, I'll just write.
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