Why is it that as soon as my life starts looking up, as soon as I'm finally happy, the world around me comes crashing down? Everyone I know seems to be hurting in some way or another and it sucks because I feel bad for being happy. I want things back to the way they were, but that won't happen until people apologize and make amends.
The only thing I have that makes me not feel like crap is God. But I'm not eloquent enough to know what to say to Him. It really kinda sucks. I want to have fun!!!!
Things that irk me:
This
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Big Fears
Today is the day I begin to conquer on of my longest lasting fears... public speaking. Ever since I can remember, I've always been a terrible public speaker. When giving presentations, I'll have everything figured out and memorized, but when I get in front of the group, I freeze. I forget everything and I look like a moron. The funny thing is, when I'm teaching this doesn't happen. Senor Husted used to make me teach Spanish class so I could get the experience of being in front of a group of eager learners. I would stand in front of them all block long and go on and on about how to conjugate verbs without a problem. So I'm hoping that if I view my speech class as my students, and my speech as the most important lesson they'll ever learn, I'll be fine. We'll see how that goes though.
Public speaking isn't my only fear. I have other rational and irrational ones ranging from bees to sharks to being alone to car accidents to low flying planes....
Low flying planes is a peculiar one. I'm not, nor have I ever been, afraid to fly. I love flying, not only because it's quicker and more efficient, but because it's fun. But when I'm standing on the ground and a plane flys over my head I have a mini panic attack. Every single time. I think they're coming in too fast, too low, at too wide of an angle. Now I know exactly where this fear originates. Back in elementary school, shortly after 9/11, someone decided it would be a good idea to tell me that the government had found an Al Qaeda list stating planned attacks on the U.S. They then told me that the Space Center was on that list. Now, at that age I wasn't wise enough to be able to tell if this person was joking or not. And that is definitely not something anyone should joke about. To this day, I still haven't been able to shake that fear though. Everyday, I'd drive to THS and take a quick glance across the river, making sure KSC was still there. Everytime a plane flys overhead, I stand still waiting for a crash. I know that Tyco is near my house and chances are, every single one of those planes is scheduled to land there. I know that KSC would be a stupid attack site. But still, it's stuck with me.
The rest of my fears make sense. Bees sting. Sharks bite and have bitten friends of mine. Everyone is afraid of being alone. Car accidents have killed people I love. But I'm hoping to conquer planes and public speaking sometime in the near future.
I really don't know why I shared that with you. I guess I needed to stop thinking about it and write it down.
Things that make me smile:
Late night life chats
Olive Garden dates
Things that irk me:
Awkward moments
Public speaking isn't my only fear. I have other rational and irrational ones ranging from bees to sharks to being alone to car accidents to low flying planes....
Low flying planes is a peculiar one. I'm not, nor have I ever been, afraid to fly. I love flying, not only because it's quicker and more efficient, but because it's fun. But when I'm standing on the ground and a plane flys over my head I have a mini panic attack. Every single time. I think they're coming in too fast, too low, at too wide of an angle. Now I know exactly where this fear originates. Back in elementary school, shortly after 9/11, someone decided it would be a good idea to tell me that the government had found an Al Qaeda list stating planned attacks on the U.S. They then told me that the Space Center was on that list. Now, at that age I wasn't wise enough to be able to tell if this person was joking or not. And that is definitely not something anyone should joke about. To this day, I still haven't been able to shake that fear though. Everyday, I'd drive to THS and take a quick glance across the river, making sure KSC was still there. Everytime a plane flys overhead, I stand still waiting for a crash. I know that Tyco is near my house and chances are, every single one of those planes is scheduled to land there. I know that KSC would be a stupid attack site. But still, it's stuck with me.
The rest of my fears make sense. Bees sting. Sharks bite and have bitten friends of mine. Everyone is afraid of being alone. Car accidents have killed people I love. But I'm hoping to conquer planes and public speaking sometime in the near future.
I really don't know why I shared that with you. I guess I needed to stop thinking about it and write it down.
Things that make me smile:
Late night life chats
Olive Garden dates
Things that irk me:
Awkward moments
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Hold Your Dream, Be My Escape
Have you ever disliked someone just because everyone else did? Have you ever not given someone a chance because of their reputation? Have you ever shunned someone just because other people were shunning them? Sure you have. I think almost everyone has. But how about next time, instead of joining everyone you do the right thing. Give them the chance they deserve. Please. I did and now I'm happier because of it.
Classes went pretty well today. My LC is going to do a great job linking all of the courses together and I'm definitely excited to start learning about education. Let's hope tomorrow goes as well.
"Countless hours of learning more, countless hours of knowing less..."
"I fought You for so long, I should have let You in.
Oh, how we regret those things we do.
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin, but so were You."
Classes went pretty well today. My LC is going to do a great job linking all of the courses together and I'm definitely excited to start learning about education. Let's hope tomorrow goes as well.
"Countless hours of learning more, countless hours of knowing less..."
"I fought You for so long, I should have let You in.
Oh, how we regret those things we do.
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin, but so were You."
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Overachiever
This isn't how I pictured things would be when I got back. But I've always been the type to daydream about the perfect world and then be disappointed when that dream doesn't come true. The difference this time is I'm not sure whether I'm happier with reality or if I'd be happier with the dream. I guess I'll figure that out once I get into the real swing of things.
I've also realized that you can't be on everyone's good side. No matter how hard I try to be nice to everyone, I can't be everyone's best friend. I guess I finally understand what Clare was talking about when she said she wasn't sure who she was anymore. Now that I can be anyone I want, who do I want to be?
Things that irk me:
Being Co-President of the Confused Club
Things that make me smile:
Laura Ingalls Wilder
My baby boys
I've also realized that you can't be on everyone's good side. No matter how hard I try to be nice to everyone, I can't be everyone's best friend. I guess I finally understand what Clare was talking about when she said she wasn't sure who she was anymore. Now that I can be anyone I want, who do I want to be?
Things that irk me:
Being Co-President of the Confused Club
Things that make me smile:
Laura Ingalls Wilder
My baby boys
REBECCA ROSENBERG!
Hi.... I love you. (Teehee...I had to do that. The next thing has nothing to do with Becca)
I'm pretty sure I deserve an apology. I don't care if it wasn't a "boozefest." I care that you don't understand why I didn't stop by to say bye. I care that you don't think you owe me an apology. I guess I really shouldn't be surprised. This isn't anything new.
Sorry, I had to get that out.
I'm definitely glad to be back with my friends. I know I've said that quite a few times already, but it's true. Classes start tomorrow and I can't wait to start learning more about education. It'll be loads of fun.
Things that irk me:
People that don't give second chances.
How I can't help but give out third, and fourth, and tenth chances.
Things that make me smile:
My friends here.
I'm pretty sure I deserve an apology. I don't care if it wasn't a "boozefest." I care that you don't understand why I didn't stop by to say bye. I care that you don't think you owe me an apology. I guess I really shouldn't be surprised. This isn't anything new.
Sorry, I had to get that out.
I'm definitely glad to be back with my friends. I know I've said that quite a few times already, but it's true. Classes start tomorrow and I can't wait to start learning more about education. It'll be loads of fun.
Things that irk me:
People that don't give second chances.
How I can't help but give out third, and fourth, and tenth chances.
Things that make me smile:
My friends here.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Being Back
It feels freaking fantastic to be back at school. Today is my first day back, but I don't feel right yet because my best friend/twin doesn't get back until late tonight. But I'm surprising her at the airport!
Sleeping was no fun last night. Bethany and I switched beds so now I'm up on the top bunk. Don't ask me how I got through 6 years of summer camp without ever having to sleep up top, but I somehow managed it. It's kinda sad that it was such a frightening experience. I kept waking up in fear that I'd fall out. But I think I'll get over that fear pretty quickly.
After I finally got up, Becca, Max, and I checked-in at the Student Center and then went to brave the d-hall together. The food actually wasn't half-bad (knock on wood), but that's probably because none of us attempted the hot food line. We stayed in the d-hall for a while catching up until the smell food started to get to us. On our way out we ran into Mattheus, Bret, and Nicholas for the first time since I've been back. I think we're all hanging out tomorrow. And we're going to the Ville to play laser tag Monday.
Now I'm going downstairs to welcome Ames back and see what everyone is up to. I can't wait to see the look on Jill's face when I show up with Lauren at the aeroport!!
Things that irk me:
Sh** cell phone service
Things that make me smile:
German boys (especially ones named Pascal)
Sleeping was no fun last night. Bethany and I switched beds so now I'm up on the top bunk. Don't ask me how I got through 6 years of summer camp without ever having to sleep up top, but I somehow managed it. It's kinda sad that it was such a frightening experience. I kept waking up in fear that I'd fall out. But I think I'll get over that fear pretty quickly.
After I finally got up, Becca, Max, and I checked-in at the Student Center and then went to brave the d-hall together. The food actually wasn't half-bad (knock on wood), but that's probably because none of us attempted the hot food line. We stayed in the d-hall for a while catching up until the smell food started to get to us. On our way out we ran into Mattheus, Bret, and Nicholas for the first time since I've been back. I think we're all hanging out tomorrow. And we're going to the Ville to play laser tag Monday.
Now I'm going downstairs to welcome Ames back and see what everyone is up to. I can't wait to see the look on Jill's face when I show up with Lauren at the aeroport!!
Things that irk me:
Sh** cell phone service
Things that make me smile:
German boys (especially ones named Pascal)
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Secrets, Secrets
Are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone....
Except when I'm the only one who gets to know. And when it makes me feel special to be trusted.
Things that irk me:
Unexpected drama
Things that make me smile:
Resolved drama
Both of those things have happened in the past hour.
Just in case... http://www.formspring.me/flagleridian13
Except when I'm the only one who gets to know. And when it makes me feel special to be trusted.
Things that irk me:
Unexpected drama
Things that make me smile:
Resolved drama
Both of those things have happened in the past hour.
Just in case... http://www.formspring.me/flagleridian13
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)