Noah...

Noah has this thing where he can read my mind. And I don't mean that he can tell what I'm thinking when I'm next to him giving him a look, I mean he can tell that something is wrong when he's at his house and I'm at mine. That is one thing that kills me about him. The night that I posted my explosion, he started I.M.ing me and asking me what was wrong. He hadn't and still hasn't read the post though, because if he had, we would have been having another argument. But no, his messages were more like "what's wrong with you", "care to talk about it", "I want you to be happy", and the killer "I love you, now tell me". So I made up some crap that wasn't entirely true, but not entirely false about college and friends and how I feel forgotten. Noah then goes into full time sweet mode and tells me that he'll never forget me and we'll always be best friends. And then has to go to bed, but not before telling me to keep typing and send it in a message, because he wants to be there to listen to me and help me feel better. But I, of course, care too much about him to tell him what's really bugging me, so I just go to bed too. The next morning he sends me some texts telling me to be happy and smile. BAM immediate frown on my face. Maybe one day, he'll get it.

To add to my sadness, today my last best friend leaves for college. After she's gone, I am officially alone. Everyone else is at school or work. So I'm procrastinating going over to her house to say goodbye because I don't want to believe that she's going. This can't be happening. :(

Don't Wish, Don't Start

Wishing only wounds the heart...

Lately I've found myself caught in a whirlwind of change, some of it is necessary, but some I could have stopped. My friends have all left for college now. They're moving into their dorm rooms, getting ready for class, and meeting new people while I'm stuck here because of stupid private college schedule. I know it's ridiculous to be sad about this since I will be doing the same things in a little over a week, but I can't help but feel abandoned.

And speaking of abandonment and replacement, I've been feeling those lately too. I've tried to put on a happy face and prance around like I don't feel anything. I've taken the punches as they came because hey, we're like Noah and Allie. I tell you when you're being an arrogant s.o.b. and you tell me when I'm being a bipolar pain in the butt. The only thing missing in our little Notebook of a relationship is that you think of me simply as the "best friend you've ever had" nothing more. And I highly doubt you're reading this, but if you are, I'm done pretending. I realize that it's too late for that now, but I'm done faking a smile when you tell me about them. I refuse to be happy for you if I can't at least have a shot at being happy with you. I know it's crazy and it never would have worked, but all I wanted was a chance and it took me way to long to figure that out. And if you really are reading this, you know I'm talking about you. Wrap your arrogant brain around that fact and do something to fix this. I don't know what, but do something fast. Please

I'm sorry guys, but I had to get that out before I exploded and caused some serious damage to me or someone around me.

Two weeks

It seems wrong that I will be on my way to Flagler in two short weeks. I feel like summer has just begun even though all of my high school friends have already started class. Throughout the summer I've been going back and forth between wanting and not wanting to go to school. At the present moment I do not want to. I know that when I get up there, am moved in, and start classes I'm not going to remember what held me back. I'm definitely going to miss all of my friends, especially the ones that are still at THS. It's going to be weird not seeing them all the time. Why did I wait til my last summer to get attached to certain people? I'm full of regrets...

FINGER NEWS- Surgery went well. For some reason Dr R had to put stitches in my pinky and the procedure took longer than expected but he swears that it worked. I have no idea what it looks like underneath this mound of packing and ace bandage. My arm aches constantly because there is no comfortable way to hold it. Not being able to move my ring and pinky fingers is a weird thing, I get a little paranoid when I tell my pinky to move and happens, but I have faith in Dr R and know that everything will be fine once it gets unwrapped on the 26th. Until then I'm a lefty.

Getting ready

I'm leaving for the hospital in just one short hour. The clothes I'm wearing are all set out (a Beckham shirt and pants made by a sponsor of his of course) and my pillows and blankets have been moved to my moms room. I can't help by feel stupid being worried about this minor procedure. Every time I start to think about it I remember my little superman Sam. He's been to the hospital more times in the past year than any 3 year old should. His procedures are always more risky than mine is going to be, but he just keeps on trekking. He'll always be my rock and my reminder that God works in mysterious ways, but He definitely will never give me anything I can't handle. So if I start to complain about only being able to use one hand I am going to remind myself that Sam had only one usable hand for quite a while. And I mean he only had one hand, no legs either. He was a trooper and he definitely kept his faith in God. So I can't complain about this. I'm going to be channeling his strength when I go in. Seems funny.... an 18 year old girl channeling the strength of a now 4 year old boy. But he'll be there with me.

Pinkies

I figured I should write a new update while I can still type with two hands... I learned five days ago that Ultimate Frisbee can be a very dangerous sport. Somehow or another I hit my pinky and figured that I simply fractured it. Well today I had an appointment with the orthopedic who is also a great family friend. Dr R took xrays and decided that it would be best if I had surgery. So trusting his years of experience, wisdom, and faith I am headed up to the hospital tomorrow morning at 830. Dr R is going to put a pin through the skin and connect the chipped bone back together. And two weeks later, he'll take it back out. I should be all healed up before heading off to college. Just pray that everything goes well. I'll try my hardest to learn to type with one hand and post pictures later.

Nick and Norah... and this past week

Today I fell in love.... with a book. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist to be exact. (Go read it right now!) I think I might like Nick more than Edward Cullen (if that's even possible). Nick is basically everything I want in a boy. Musical, song/poetry writer, gives Norah his jacket, is thoughtful, makes funny jokes, is really sweet. I rooted for their relationship throughout the whole book. I laughed, screamed, and felt sorrow (in no particular order) all the way until the last page. I think that was the best book I've read since Life of Pi.

Anyways.. My week consisted of babysitting the twins from 8-1 while Ro went to work, and then going out to do something every night except tonight. Thinking back, it's hard to remember what happened on which day, but I do remember what I did.

Not in order since I can't remember what I did when...

- I went to Lee's house one night with a bunch of other people. We played Sequence and then played "the points game". (btw, I found 10 points when I got home... but since I didn't find it until then I think it counts double). After that we all sat around and talked and hung out.

- Went to Kee's house for her birthday. Her casa is HUGE and we ate pizza, roasted marshmallows, and played Texas Hold 'em.

- Went to Lemon's house. She curled my hair and it looked HOTT. Too bad the hairspray didn't hold. Then I went to Lee's for Kee's surprise party. We scared the crap out of her when she got there. We played more Texas Hold 'em and Sequence and watched youtube videos. Lots of fun stuff...


Tomorrow is movie night at the Smallsville High theater. I'm pretty excited to see everyone and watch a movie on that big screen. And of course to see that HOT tandem sky diving man on the big screen.

Saturday is dad's birthday. Not quite sure what's been planned for that. And then Sunday is my first frisbee in like two weeks. I'm definitely looking forward to that one.

I go to college in less than a month... and I just got a frustrating e-mail today telling me that they changed my schedule for no freaking reason. I'm really mad and I sure hope I don't have to call the registrar and threaten them. They need to change my schedule back NOW!

Saturday....

My Saturday was actually worth writing about.. Amazing.

For my band director's birthday the entire band donated money and bought her a sky diving adventure. So, at 830 a.m. several of my fellow band kids and I went to the airpark to watch her jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Watching her jump (along with her mom and our other director) reminded me how much I want to go sky diving. If it didn't cost so much money, I would have been on that plane too. Anywho... after they jumped, we watched their videos and then headed to Vill Inn to eat some brunch. We spent FOREVER there, got stared at by old people, talked really loudly, got nasty snot tissues thrown at us by Schwindty, got knocked on the ground, and eventually ate. This brunch reminded me how much I'm going to miss the marching band experience. It's funny how I find myself wishing I was going to camp tomorrow to sweat my butt off, run across the field for "two minute" splash and dashes, find a pool to jump in at lunch time, and butcher my mouth trying to learn the music. M.B. is definitely something I'll never ever forget.

After brunch I came home for a little bit before the epic scavenger hunt. That hunt was indeed epic. BB, Moos and I were on a team and were handed a list of things we had to take pictures of. It didn't matter where you went for the picture or how you took it, but creativity counted. We ventured all over town to get pics of miscillaneous things such as bricks, slides, trees, and fsu apparel. I even donned an FSU hat for Case. I sure hope you appreciated that!!! My team was the first to finish, so we headed to the end point early to get some drinks and devour Lee's brownies. YUM. Once the other teams got back, we presented our pictures. It looked like everyone had a great time.

After the presentations, we headed over to M.I. to eat at Olive Garden. Our waiter was less than perfect to say the least, but we still had a wonderful time. Being with friends always puts me in a good mood. After arriving home at midnight, I slept until noon. SOOO refreshing... Now I'm off to kill some time before frisbee