"His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me."

I love little symbols that remind you to smile. I still have my little sparrow figure (thanks Rachael) on my dresser to remind me everything will be okay.

This morning, there was a little sparrow outside my door. I think God knew I needed a pick me up. It worked.

7 Days in September

This is one of those movies that changes the way you look at the world. For the entire length of this documentary, I sat in bed with my hand over my mouth, unable to look away. Being a child during 9/11, I was shielded from the news, the sheer terror, and ...I'm having a hard time thinking of words right now... I guess just the truth of what had really happened. I understand why my parents, teachers, and friends felt the need to do this. At the age of 10, I don't think I could have handled knowing the truth or seeing the footage. But now, at 21, I felt it was time to face what really happened. I feel like my generation has been done a disservice by not seeing what really happened. I don't feel like my classmates and friends really understand what happened or what it meant to New Yorkers or the American people as a whole. Seeing this documentary really opened my eyes to the truth. It was a raw first-hand account of the events surrounding the Tri-State area. Through the lenses of the filmmakers, I witnessed things I never hope to see again. I had to keep reminding myself that it was real, not a horror movie. This really happened. People really died like this. The accounts of the children were probably the most stirring. Kids, younger than I was at the time, understood exactly what happened. They were fearful but not defeated. They knew what they had to do to keep moving forward and help. While I was being told the Towers didn't actually get hit (yes, that's what my GIFTED teacher at the time thought was best to tell us), these kids were rallying together and giving back. It's emotional and it's scary. I'm probably going to have to sit here alone for the next few minutes to gather my composure and my thoughts before I can move on.

I know it's not something people like to do, watch movies that make them think, cry, or relive painful memories, but sometimes it's necessary. If you have a Netflix account, I highly recommend searching for this documentary and watching every minute of it. It gets hard at times, but don't look away. Take the time to think about what it all meant and what it all still means. It will make you a better person in the end.

Near Death Experience

Okay, so maybe that's an exaggeration. It wasn't near-death, but definitely near-severe-injury.
Yesterday started out like any other day. I went to class, hung out at Landon's for a little bit, went to the library with Dana to do our science project, and then grabbed dinner with the boys and a few of their friends.

Our scary experience occurred on the way back from dinner. We were turning right into the neighborhood when an SUV decided to make a left out of the complex.
(Here's a little explanation in case you don't know anything about my location. My complex has one lane to enter and two to exit (one turning left and one turning right). Our entrance/exit lies on a 6 lane divided highway, so to make a left, you have to cross 3 lanes and then sit in the median until you can cross over the next lane. I'm scared to death to make a left so I always turn right and wait for a light to make a u-turn.)

Anyway, this SUV decided to cross over traffic because he saw our blinker. Little did he know, there was another car in the lane next to us who was driving southbound. The SUV saw the car a little too late and was not able to speed up or slow down enough to prevent the crash. He T-boned the car and they both went flying. The car ended up a lane over facing the wrong way and the SUV spun until he was in the entrance lane. Michael and I witnessed the entire thing happen. We pulled in, parked in the first spot we found, and ran to the scene to make sure everyone was okay. We ended up waiting 3 hours for FHP to come (apparently OCPD doesn't deal with traffic incidents) in order to give our statement. We might even have to go to court to be witnesses since Florida is a no-fault state. How exciting! (And by that I mean I really hope I don't have to miss school or work for this.) The entire time we were waiting for FHP, we couldn't shake how close this crash was to us. If we had entered a second or two later, the spin-off would have collided into us and probably sent us into traffic or into the brick wall. I sent God a little thank-you when we were running to the scene. I also thanked Him again for the amazing friends I've acquired. The wait was made a lot more enjoyable when Joe and Dana came down to keep us company despite the fact that Joe was supposed to leave for home and Dana has massive amounts of homework to finish. I don't know what I would do without them.

This whole experience has reminded me how precious life is and how important it is to take your time when you're driving. Nothing is worth more than your life.

A (Much Needed) Life Update

It's been quite a while since I last updated my blog. I was just going to leave it alone and move on, but there are too many exciting things happening in my life to not share. God has been doing amazing things in my life recently. Just today, I got accepted into the UCF College of Education internship program. Starting in January, I'll be interning in an elementary school classroom twice a week. I'm both excited and nervous for this opportunity. It's hard to believe that this is my fourth year in college. In just one more year, I'll be graduated and starting to mold the minds of future America. I pray every day that God will give me the wisdom and guidance to know what to do and how to approach the obstacles I know will be thrown in my way. I love teaching and children, but it's daunting to think I'll soon be in my own classroom. I just have to trust in Him and know He won't let me fail if it's meant to be.

The new school year has also started some great new relationships and ended some not-so-great ones in my life. I finally listened to what God and my family was telling me and ended my relationship with Matt. It was hard, but after a lot of prayer I realized it was the right thing to do. We are and always have been on different life paths with different beliefs and it was better to end it now than to prolong something that would not have worked out. I thank God for giving me the strength to end it and for helping me find happiness again. Speaking of happiness, I've started a few new great friendships. My neighbors are a group of awesome guys who have been better friends than I could have ever asked for. They're all so protective and kind and are always there when I need to talk or vent or just let off some stress. It's great just being able to step out my door and be at their place. The boys and their friends have helped me get out of the apartment more than I did all last year. They're all great and I can't thank them enough for their friendship (and shoulders to cry on when I need them).

My living situation this year is also fantastic. I moved in with two of my best friends and our "random" roommate is terrific. She's quickly becoming one of my new best friends as well. She's always there to listen and give me much needed life advice. I can't really think of any complaints about her or my other roommates so far.

All in all, my year has been perfect so far. I can't thank God enough for everything that has happened (both good and bad) because without all of it, I wouldn't be smiling every day.

Overcoming Insecurities and the Person Helping Me Do It

Everyone has insecurities. Some people think they're too tall, others feel too short, some don't like the way their teeth are aligned, and others try to change their voice.

My insecurity is easily hidden most of the year but living in Florida, one season is hard to escape. Summer. I dread the heat flashes almost as much as I dread the words "beach" and "bikini". I've never liked the way I look in a bathing suit. My childhood scoliosis has caused one hip bone to fall slightly higher than the other, pushing my weight a little off center. Most people wouldn't notice it, but I'm not most people. In the past, I've overcome my insecurity by hiding my sides under a tankini. This is me two summers ago.

As I've grown older, not wearing a bikini has made me stand out more than I would if I wore one, so I've avoided the beach and pool altogether. My plan to avoid water activities this summer was working perfectly until Matt came into my life. The other night, we randomly started talking about what makes us feel insecure and I mentioned not liking the pool. He laughed at first, but then realized I was being serious and told me he thinks I'm perfect and since he's my boyfriend, his opinion is the only one that should matter. Sweet, but untrue. Unable to convince me I'm fine the way I am, he decided to make a workout and meal plan for the fall. He vowed to push me until I'm content with myself, no matter how angry or frustrated I get. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't stop helping me workout even if I threatened to break up with him. He's forcing me to take a look at myself and be happy with what I see. It's going to be a challenge and it could make or break our relationship, but he's just trying to show me that he cares and I might just be looking forward to the experience.

Wednesday HodgePodge

1. Do you and your family enjoy camping? What do you enjoy most/like the least when it comes to family camping? When was the last time you camped?

- My family and I used to go camping at the Disney campgrounds once every year or so. That's about as much camping as we ever did. The best part about camping at Disney is the indoor plumbing that exists just a short walk from your tent. You get to sleep outside, roast marshmallows, and enjoy family time without having to find your own place to relieve yourself. Camping outside of Disney isn't really something high on my to do list. I'd much rather stay in a hotel with air conditioning.

2. Did you attend a summer camp when you were a kid? Is that a happy or not so happy memory?

- Once I entered middle school, I attended church camp for a week each July. That week was something I looked forward to all year long. It was a chance to get away with my best friends and spend some quality time with both them and God. I had a special rock I'd go to each morning and evening to do my devotionals. I miss that rock and the peace it gave me. Once I started high school, I also attended band camp each summer. Band camp was a different story. Eight hours in the Florida heat each day was not something I ever looked forward to. Sweating, getting ordered around, and rarely being allowed to talk wasn't exactly fun, but it was necessary and helped me make some great memories.

3. Over the course of your life, what have you probably spent more time pondering than anything else?

- I spend a lot of time thinking about the future. What is planned for me and what I will be able to accomplish. The biggest thing I ponder is probably the "with whom?" as in "who will I be with? Who will I marry?"

4. Which of the seven natural wonders of the world would you most like to see? There are many lists of 'wonders' but this is the standard natural wonder list-Mount Everest, The Great Barrier Reef, The Grand Canyon, Victoria Falls, The Harbor of Rio de Janerio, Paricutan Volcano and The Northern Lights.

- I've had the privilege of seeing the Grand Canyon once a few years ago. It was absolutely magnificent. I'd love to have the opportunity to see the Great Barrier Reef before it gets destroyed, which is bound to happen relatively soon. I'm slightly afraid of sharks though, so snorkeling near the reef may be challenging.

5. What was your first real job?

- I've babysat since I was around 13 and I worked at my dad's office during the summers when I was younger, but the first legitimate paycheck I received was from First United Methodist Preschool.

6. Lemonade or Sweet tea...which do you prefer on a hot summer day?

- Arnold Palmers! I've always been too lazy to make my own and I never get the correct tea to lemonade ratio, but my boyfriend recently introduced me to Arizona Tea's Arnold Palmer and it's perfect.

7. What is something that always brings a smile to your face?

- A hug from a friend I haven't seen in a while. I love those running hugs friends give each other after a long summer apart or even just a weekend in separate places. It's wonderful.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

- Oh sweet summertime, I'm more than ready for you to be over. Don't get me wrong, I love lounging around as much as the next girl, but too much isn't healthy. I'm ready to be back in class, in Orlando, with my friends.

HodgePodge

I've skipped a few hodgepodges lately and it's time to get back into them.

1. Have you ever been to the capital of the USA-Washington DC? If so what's your favorite site? If not, what site would you most like to see on a visit to that city someday in the future? Is it even on your list of places to visit?

- I've been a few times and I love it. I love all of the Smithsonian museums. The artifacts they have are absolutely amazing and I really want to go back soon. I wish I could find some old pictures from our family visits, but alas, they have yet to be scanned onto our desktop.

2. When did you last attend a wedding? Are there any weddings on your summer calendar? Were you a summer bride? If you're single is summer the season of your dream wedding?

- The last wedding I attended was in February. My godbrother John married a sweet Southern girl named Sarah Grace.

John's younger brother, David, is getting married at the end of July so we're all heading back up to Alabama for that towards the end of the month. I'm a sucker for weddings so I'm extremely excited. As for me, I'd rather get married in late fall/early winter. I despise the summer heat and can't imagine trying to take pictures outside in a full length gown in the middle of the summer. I'd rather brave a little cold air than sweat through my dress.

3. What is your favorite way to eat strawberries?

- Strawberry shortcake. My grandma makes a cake that is to die for! Just thinking about it has made me hungry.

4. What is one thing you are especially looking forward to this summer?

- My good friends Felix and Julia are traveling to Florida from Germany in July and will be staying in town through the beginning of August. It's been two years since we've seen each other and I cannot wait to catch up, learn some new German phrases, and have an overall good time. I'm not quite sure how we're going to entertain them in T-ville for an entire month, but I'm sure we'll find a way.

5. Do you use/like the self scanner at the grocery store?

- I use it when I only have a couple things to buy. I always end up doing something wrong though, so I might as well wait in the regular line.

6. Share a favorite piece of common sense advice.

- Think before you speak.

I'm still working on that one. Things tend to sound a lot smarter in my head than they do coming out of my mouth.

7. Barefoot, flip flops, tennis shoes, sassy sandal-your first choice for summertime?

- Barefoot! My mom hates it when I walk out without shoes on, but it just feels so good. The second I walk into anyone's house, I toss my shoes in a corner and don't put them back on until we're going somewhere that requires footwear. When I am required to cover my soles, I wear flip flops. I'm not even sure if I own a pair of sneakers that fit...

8. Insert your own random thought here.

- The lazy days of summer have never been so lazy. Today, I didn't get out of bed until around 1 or 2 and I didn't leave the house until 630. I'm enjoying having the opportunity to be lazy because I know, come August, I won't have free time anymore.