I am a writer...

"I was switched off like a light, a fighter with no fight..." so used to having everything on control, ruling the school with my iron fist. Known by everyone either as a friend or just by name. I wouldn't say I was a legend, I wasn't in the "popular" crowd, but I was popular in my crowd. The band kids. They all knew me, and I made it my job to know all of their names. When I was around my babies (as I called them) I was at home. It didn't matter if we were at school, sweating our asses off at camp, or getting stuck on 6 hour bus rides. What mattered was the fact that we were family. I grew up with brothers, but by the end of senior year I had sisters. Too many sisters to count. I still try to call or text all of them as often as I can. They put a smile on my face when I just want to cry and I can only hope I do the same for them. They cried when I graduated, understanding better than I what was about to happen. I was a happy go lucky graduate. Happy to be out of the clutches of Tolley and Spinner. Ready to make my own decisions and make my own way, or so I thought.

The summer of 09 went by fast, but not without it's own stress and drama. I guess I just had to fit in my last bit of high school drama and learn my last lesson before I went off into the unknown. Looking back, I only made one real mistake all summer. Pushing his advice out the window and pretending like I didn't care about him. He was and still is my best friend and just had my best interests at heart. No sooner did I realize my mistake than did I have to go. I packed my bags, bought school supplies, and headed off to college.

I arrived as I think any freshman does, ready to take on anything and everything. I was hyped. I was happy. I was ready. But boy was I in for a wake up call. Never in my life had I had a teacher who didn't know who i was the second I walked into class. The fact that none of my professors knew, or cared, scared me. The semester began and I worked and worked. Essays here, math there, art analysis way over there. The first few weeks I was happy. When not in class I hung out with bethy, jessi, and Jor Jor. We laughed together, made up nicknames for random people, and poked fun. Until one day "I switched off like a light..." I didn't want to do anything but cry. You know how you always pick out one phrase and repeat it when you're crying? Well my phrase was "I don't belong here, I can't do this." I just laid in bed and cried. I didn't want to tell anyone about my problems. But of course my best friend, the same one I wronged during the summer, was there to comfort me. He knew I was a "fighter with no fight". I wanted more than anything to be happy, but I had no plan, no tactics to get back to where I was.

Well, somehow I got out of my weeklong crying stage. I fully believe (and you're free to think whatever you want) that it had solely to due with the prayer. The prayers I was praying and the ones everyone else was praying too. I lifted myself up to the mercy of God and my tears were dried. I am, once again, happy to be here. I am ready to take this school by storm. I am not and never have been one to give up. I am not one to sit back and wait for happiness to find me. I go out and get it. I get what I want. Now, I'm not saying God was the only one who helped me find myself again. It was also the DEKAC, my mom, Auntie B and Mommy N, X, and oddly enough, Gossip Girl. That little superficial show is focusing on college freshman this season. Upper East Siders who are used to having it all are having to go out and make a new name for themselves. My stuggle is much like Blair's. She is just now getting out of her slump with the help of my personal favorite, Chuck Bass. But unlike Blair, I do not have one Chuck. I have many. Some are more evident in my life than others. But all contributed.

"Somehow you saw someone worth saving, You pulled me back into the light. Now if ever I can rescue you,
When you need two arms to fall into
You know exactly where I'll be
Just look for me."

Brought to you by; Jake Epstein's Rescue You & a girl who has a passion for writing.