Ever since I can remember, I've been a planner. I've had a plan for life, love, school, the future, everything. I guess I should say I'm a dreamer... since you can't really plan any of those things. But the problem with being a dreamer comes when you start believing your dreams. When you forget what's real and what's not. In elementary school I used to dream about my future husband, I'd meet him in high school and we'd date off and on until we finally got married when I was 20 and he was whatever just like every other married couple I can think of at the moment. In my dreams, I never went to college, or if I did, it definitely wasn't for four years, I didn't ever work, I never studied, I just lived that happy life everyone dreams of.
Problems with my dreams: I started believing them. But I didn't "on and off" date anyone in high school. I don't know any boys here either. I am in college and will be here until graduation. I have to study.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy here. I just wish I was able to trust God more than I do. I'm starting to read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis and I hope that'll help. I need to remember that His plan is a million times better than my dreams. He'll make everything happen in His own time, not in my time. His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me. He carries me through the most troublesome times in my life. He is always there and has planned this all out before. So why can't I just trust Him? I know that I'll look back on this in a few years and laugh. I'll be living the life that is best for me. But until then, I'll worry about what the future holds.
I'm happy. Genuinely happy. But these thoughts are always in the back of my mind.
Dear God,
Please help me to trust you more.
Things that irk me:
Confusing friendships
Things that make me smile:
The concert next month
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