Regrets

As I sit here at my desk waiting for 5 to roll around I find my brain remembering the past four years. Throughout high school I did some stupid stuff whether it was caused by my desire to fit in, my need to seem "cool", or just regular stupidity. I regret a lot of things I have done during my time at THS and my summers between each year. Each and every time period, from freshman year to the past summer, has its own set of regrets, mistakes I made that I'd rather forget. But it's impossible to forget them and I know that without each mistake, I wouldn't be the person I have become. I wouldn't be as secure with the real me, the person I am becoming at college.

Here are just a few mistakes/regrets from each year.

9th grade - Working so hard to impress the "popular" kids.
"Going out" with KF (he was a jerk and I broke my parent's rules)

10th grade and the summer after 10th - Not trying out for leadership
Spending all of camp with TB

11th - Blaming myself for TB's decisions
Not spending as much time with my good friends
Not taking AP Lit/Lang (I would have gotten a 4 if I had

12th grade - Ditching my friends again
Hanging out with CupCake the second part of the year
Going to CupCake's house

The summer before college has too many regrets to even begin to write about. I shouldn't have ignored advice from a friend and believed someone else. I shouldn't have been afraid to express my feelings or cared what anyone else thought of them. Waiting until it was too late was a mistake. But when I think about it, I wouldn't change anything about this past summer if I was given the chance. I did have a lot of fun, even though that fun didn't amount to anything. I tried my hardest to help someone who didn't really want to be helped. And because I believed that they wanted to be helped, and that I was the one they needed, I threw away something I could have had and really wanted to have.

But now that's all over. I don't believe in "too late". I don't think it's ever too late to change or get what you want. It just takes work. More work than I have the strength to give right now. But the point of this post was to get out my feelings and say that because of these mistakes, I now know who I am. I am free to run around, be crazy, hug pirates, call a boy I've never even said hi to my boyfriend, make jokes about people's names, and scream chicken mating calls at the top of my lungs while looking for Joe and Fiona. I'm now secure with who I am and I honestly don't care what ANYONE thinks of me. Sure, I'd love to have a big group of friends. Sure, I really want to have a boyfriend who I actually have talked to and who doesn't have a girlfriend. Sure, I'd like to fit in and be liked. But if none of that happens, I'll be fine. I have learned what I am and am not willing to do. What I have done and will not do ever again.

I'm sure that I'll make plenty more mistakes while I'm here. But they won't be the same ones I've already made. They'll be different and help shape me into the person I am meant to be for the rest of my life.

The moral of my life story is... "Don't care what other people think." "Don't be afraid to speak your mind." and "Do what you think is right, no matter what."